...and Happy Birthday to those whose days I missed!
I don't mean to be a downer during this season, but any words of reassurance or people telling me I am stupid for the way I am feeling right about now would be more than welcome.
Everything, and I do mean everything, is just not appealing to me right about now. I'll play something for an hour or two, decide "That's enough of that." and trade it in for cash... and NOT the preorders I would normally do.
In the last few weeks, I have traded in more games than most people have BOUGHT this season.
Games like: Call of Duty: W@W. Resistance 2. Mirror's Edge. Eternal Sonata. Dead Space. FallOut 3. Age of Empires: Mythologies. Metal Slug 7 and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe... have ALL passed under my nose to an unenthusiastic: "Meh."
All I am playing right now is: Persona. CastleVania. Chrono Trigger and Lumines...
If the "Best" the Holiday Season has to offer isn't tickling my fancy right now, What's left then?
Can't be a gamer without games!
This could very well be the end of an era for me...
Sorry to hear that Leo.
Your grandmothers situation is very bad, looks like she is stuck in a state between living and dead.
And sorry to hear about your family. And you friends leaving you is just plain wrong.
But look at the bright side, you still have us! 
Okay not much of a bright side either 
Well the only thing you can do now is to endure it. And ride out the storm. Do not take hasty conclusions about anything just yet, your first priority is to get through this! Perserve Leo!
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Tell me to get back to rewriting this site so it's not horrible on mobile
I will tell you this though, and I sincerely apologize if I am crossing the line here, but this:
Once she passes, and I realize all I could do was helplessly sit in front of a TV and wait her final days out... With all the guilt that heaps on my shoulders, I don't know if will be able to go back after she is gone and look at games the same...
is far, FAR from the truth. You let me know about your granny's illness a while back, and even though the only contact we have is the scarce lines we exchange over the internet, that's enough to understand how much you care for her, and how deep your sorrow is because of the situation she is in right now, and the fact that there is nothing you, or anyone else, can do about it, besides being with her, letting her know at all times how much you love her, even if words are not good anymore. I'm sure she knows it, and I'm sure you know it as well.
Hang in there, Leo. Don't worry if games don't appeal to you right now. The appeal might come back, or maybe not, but trust me, you are doing one hell of a job there. You are an outstanding person, and I wish I knew you personally, so I could give you a big hug and offer you my support. Thanks for sharing this, and if you need to share a bit of the burden, for what is worth, we are here for you, my friend.
i hope things improve sooner than you think
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Listen to Wu-Tang and watch Kung-Fu
How close are you to her Leo? My Grandparents both died when I was younger.
What I will tell you is that you probably aren't losing friends, you are probably isolating yourself, which is what I have done in the past. Your friends will always want to help, but some more than others. Some are good time friends, true friends will say yes, whenever you ask.
I know you feel like crap right now, but time heals. It really does. Why is your family at each others throats?
I'd like to echo those sentiments that were so nicely presented by the others. Hang in there bud and while things may seem so dismal I'm sure your grandma knows how much you love her and only wishes you happiness and the best no matter what you do.
When I was born, there were complications and it was my Grandmother that took me home from the hospital and cared for me for the first few weeks of my life. She was the one that fed me, changed me and slept with me in her bed while my mom and dad weren't around. She was the one that bought me my school clothes and put food on our table when me and my siblings were young. She and my grandfather saw to it that we had heat when our furnace went out, bringing a kerosene heater to our home that we all slept around, when my mom and dad couldn't be bothered. She would take me away from my parent's craziness, buy me a stuffed animal or a puzzle to play with, to distract me from life for a while.
My mother, for all that my grandma has done, saw fit to Thank Her, by spending every last penny she had in her bank account, as soon as she fell ill in this last year and a half/ two years. Mom spent about $140,000.00-$180,000.00 on useless crap and trinkets and fixing up my Grandmother's home so SHE could live in it. She even went as far as (somehow) attaching a line of credit with mine and my grandmother's name on it to HER bank account and dragging me into her financial black hole to the tune of $2500.00. Today is the day of her Bankruptcy Trial. She isn't a well woman.
My siblings are convinced my Mom is just waiting with bated breath for my Grandmother to pass to take all the guilt off of her shoulders. Yet, she's waited, by my Grandmother's side for the last month-plus, making sure she was clean, keeping her mouth and lips hydrated (she cannot swallow on her own now), making sure she is comfortable and not in pain.
In the end, it was my Grandmother's wishes to not be resuscitated if it should come to this and I was named her Health Care Proxy. Everyone other than my mother thinks we should be doing everything we can to try to give my grandmother "a chance." Her brain is dead for the most part and she had Alzheimer's before this even occurred. There is no recovery, BUT everyone else sees this as: "After ALL she's done to YOU and ALL of us, YOU are on MOM'S side in all this!?!"
I am the only man left in my family capable of making decisions and upholding my Grandma's wishes. I am between everyone's anger right now and have found myself very much in the middle of all of it.
I have barred myself in my apartment for hours on end these days, shutting off my phone, locking out the world, staring at a TV --OR-- taking trips to the hospital/home/hospice where my Grandmother lays, still fighting to hold on even after not eating solid food for over a month... The only "companion" I've had to go to the hospital with me was my DS; my friends and other family members just don't have the stomach to stand by my side anymore. Hell, the ONLY Christmas Card I got this year was from the Sushi Restaurant's Owner where I stop on the way home from my Hospital visits!
Ugh. Sorry! Now I REALLY have said too much!
In a season of "Peace" and Gift Giving and Game Releases, THIS is what's been in the forefront of my mind. I trust everyone else's Holiday was a bit better?
Thanks for reading all of this, once again...
Leo, dont take it all on yourself. Even if you have the legal responsibility, go with the family and let them vote on it. Don't blame yourself and don't isolate yourself.
Your Grandmother loves you right? Imagine what she would say to you right now if you could talk to her? She wouldn't want you a broken man. People get old, people get sick, it's heart breaking but its a part of life. Harsh as it sounds. Your Grandmother obviously loved and trusted you enough to put her health in your hands, but take a step back and let the family and the doctors decide. Your mother sounds selfish, I know how that is. Some part of you probably wants to hate her but part of you still loves her because she is your mother. That makes it harder.
Sitting in your apartment is bad, it sticks you in this endless cycle of thinking about it. If you can even sit outside in a park it would be better, even if you end up doing the same thing - nothing. Have you considered getting bereavement counselling?
It still landed in my lap to make the final decision. So be it.
I do TRY to get out. There's only so much Sushi and StarBucks one man can take!
There was one evening not so long ago where I sat in one spot in a SBs and read "The Watchmen" front to back. By the time I left there, my stomach was sooo full of coffee and my ass hurt sooo much from sitting on their horrible wooden chairs, that I decided to lay off of the Coffee shop scene for a week or two!
I would normally go to Washington Square Park in NYC too to get some air and people watch, but last time I was there it was still ripped up for renovations and the weather's been a bit uncooperative too...
Up until the Holidays I've been managing OK on my own. It was recently I suggested my whole family go for counseling... and another argument ensued... *sigh*
Looks like I'll be doing that soon on my own too...
It's not so much the waiting time that's killing me. It's the fact that everyone I know, friend and family alike, seems to have disappeared on me. That's the worst of it all. I would never pass on the chance to do something social to play games instead; now the social calls have all stopped and I am left with no choice.
God! I cannot wait for this year to end!
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Listen to Wu-Tang and watch Kung-Fu
No patience for it right now.
bugsonglass said:psst Leo ... ggeek is trying to get you to buy animal crossing
Shut it you!
Here is an idea. Buy your favourite sitcom on DVD and watch through it. Laughter always helps.
Here is a video of Seinfelds top 25 moments:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-T0C8x57StM
I know this might sound insensitive, its not meant to be, but the Seinfeld episode where George has to reveal his ATM password might help. I find that sometimes I laugh, because otherwise I would cry in life. Sometimes I do both.
Stay strong.
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This isn't meant to be a mockery of someone else's blog posted just recently. I just read HIS and thought: "Ah, sounds nice. I need a weekend like that."
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**Truth is, our weekends were somewhat simliar... At least, to start**
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I had a craptastic weekend.
I played a ****-ton of Persona 4.
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In one sitting:
(1) I obtained enough materials to finish about 15 of the first 25 Quests (which entailed revisiting the First Two Dungeons over again.)
(2) I completely re-did the 3rd Dungeon to get Teddy's Bear Claw.
(3) I found enough of the Mitama's to make the Neko Warrior "Cross Fusion" Persona.
(4) Found enough materials to complete the rest of the 10 of the First 25 Quests, this morning.
(5) Saved just after getting enough Personas to create "Black Frost" this morning, as well.
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This morning:
(1) Maxed out the Strength Social Link.
(2) Aced my Term Finals.
(3) Created about 3 Level 42 Monstrosities with Multiple Elements to take into the Void (Love the 8-bit look)!
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I broke that RPG playing time up with a few heated rounds of Lumines Supernova.
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Sounds pretty good. Right?
Then why am I sad enough to want to break down and cry?
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My grandmother has been sick with Alzheimer's for around two years now. Thanksgiving she had a major stroke. The Doctors gave her a few hours time remaining THEN.
She's still hanging on. There's nothing that can be done but just to wait for the inevitable.
So that's what I have been doing...
...for weeks...
The only thing my frazzled nerves can take right about now is gaming. So that's all I have been doing. Obsessively. Incessantly.
Been trying to post here and there sporadically. Trying to go on like things are perfectly normal. But they are not, and I don't know how much longer I can endure.
I think this time may kill gaming for me from here on out. Once she passes, and I realize all I could do was helplessly sit in front of a TV and wait her final days out... With all the guilt that heaps on my shoulders, I don't know if will be able to go back after she is gone and look at games the same...
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Sorry to post this here. My family is in shreds and at each other's throats at the moment. My friends have all but abandoned 'cause they probably can't stomach watching me fall apart slowly and painfully...
...I'm gonna do my thing as I normally would. Don't be surprised if my Virtual Console and WiiWare Topics suddenly stop without warning, though.
Gaming may have gotten me through most of this difficult time but I don't know if I'll have the heart to EVER play again once this is said and done.
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I can't believe what a year this has been! In the wake of 2008, 2009 has no place to go but UP from the lowest of lows. I'll tell you right now, after all of this, things will never be the same for me again.
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