2008 was a year that passed many of you by, a year with very few notable events. This blog is dedicated to those of you (including myself) who were simply unable to pay attention to what was going on. I give my heartfelt thanks to all of those who were able to follow the events of the year, and tell me what they were, so that I could tell the rest of those who weren't paying attention.

Apparently the third biggest news of 2008 was the economy's un-timely demise. Quite surprisingly lending money to people who were unable to pay it back was a bad economic practise, and even more surprisingly the US government gave them some more money to do it all over again, yet refused to give the car companies a cent, even though unlike the banks' money, it wouldn't have been theirs to do anything they wanted with.

But surely the economic crash couldn't have simply been due to a few banks lending more money than there was? I did a little research, and I have come to some rather contradictory findings. The English economic crash was caused by welfare payments being too high and taxes to pay the wages of social workers. Yet the American economic crash was caused by greedy CEOs. And over on my side of the ocean there was no economic crash and nobody lost their jobs. However Rudd still reacted proactively, just in case something were to happen to our strong, world class economy, and gave pensioners $1,400 each to spend during the Christmas break. Money that was to be used by people who couldn't afford to pay their bills and tax, on Christmas presents. Of course the Liberals pointed out that not only was the economy dieing under Labor, but the $1,400 dollars would be spent on Pokies and Alcohol instead of necessary items. This wouldn't help the economy because Pokies and Alcohol are so highly taxed that most of it would be spent on politicians' wages… Which they would then spend on luxury items that are not highly taxed, so perhaps it was in fact a wise move.

2009

With global warming being a good excuse to fix public transport in Victoria, some attention was paid to it. The removal of seats on 30 year old trains freed up room for extra passengers, but unfortunately those in outer suburbs still had to catch the train at 4am to go to work. Towards the end of the year, when all the public transport problems had been solved, another one emerged. Public transport had to be improved for the elderly, because not all of them were decomposing in a lonely flat. With the previous removal of seats, it remains to be seen how the elderly and the rest of the population can co-exist on public transport, but in 2009 if the doomsday Sayers are right we may have a public transport system more dangerous the New York subway, and the emos riding home from school may start cutting people other than themselves.

The problems didn't end there. While Australia was still clearly the greatest country to live in for all people, there were a few little niggling issues. One of the biggest was aborigines. As hard as we have tried, they refuse to die. We've tried killing them, taking them from their parents, segregating them, arresting them, yet nothing seems to work. The previous attempt to remove aborigines from Australian society was through alcohol and pensions, but when it was found in an inquest in 2007 that not only had they not been eradicated, but that they were sexually abusing their children en masse and action had to be taken, because aborigine or not, children are children. The new course of action to fight poverty was to remove food (alcohol) and money (pension). Rudd announced that he would review the intervention plan, but so far he has proceeded with it, but perhaps those protestors should stop protesting against it, as Rudd seems to believe in reverse psychology.

Recently there was a further development in the fight against—to protect our children. It was found that 1 in 4 Australian children have been sexually abused, and soon after that a study found that under 1% of Aborigine children were sexually abused. I suggest all white Australians drink as much as they can come New Years Day, (not that they need any encouragement) as it won't be long before the child abuse crusaders themselves (England) take away our alcohol.

It was remarkable how strong Australia's economy was when one considered how bad Australia's internet was (though India seem to be doing alright for themselves with far worse internet than ours), and to further show this a new Internet filtering plan was coined. The plan would mean that child pornography and illegal and disagreeable content would be blocked for all Australian IP addresses. While what is classed as disagreeable content has not officially been announced, one can imagine it includes, but is not limited to: Liberal Party of Australia, National Party of Australia, Australian Greens, and Family First.

Thankfully, after years of Australian men treating their women like aborigines, the media and government finally started doing something about it. Not only were we bombarded with anti-domestic violence information campaigns, new laws were introduced that meant that abusive men would be removed from their house (along with their children who they were probably sexually abusing as well). When we see the figures it's hard to think why even stronger measures weren't taken. 42 women and 23 men were killed by domestic violence in 2006-2007. That means 65% of all adults killed in domestic violence were women, and only 35% were men. Clearly women needed all the protection they could get, because a difference of 15%, that's 10 people, is an in-excusable example of the hell our mothers and daughters had to endure in the year 2008.

But Aborigines are a different matter entirely.

Not only that, but later on in the year, a study released after Rudd announced a new plan to combat homelessness, (which didn't consist of creating new jobs, so probably won't work) found that most female homeless, are single mothers and have suffered domestic violence. Unlike their male counterpart who not only compose more of the homeless population than women, but are also there by there own doing, mostly due to drinking, and drug and pension abuse. Of course with the new ruling to combat domestic violence there'll be a lot more of them too, at least for once a deserving man will be a victim of domestic violence. Bastards. Though I must admit at least the single mothers can make a living from prostitution, right? And their children can pose nude for Bill Henson.

He looks like a paedophile; he tastes like a paedophile; but brother he ain't a paedophile!

Apart from banning, then un-banning a multitude of games, the government took another step to protect Australian children. Apart from arresting and charging children with sexual abuse, they also went after Bill Henson. While his nude photos of children were being pored over in court to decide whether they were pornography or art, (in my opinion they are neither: they're certainly not pornography, and if they're too contrived and sentimental for art) they were published in newspapers and on televisions stations, and even the prime minister had a look at them. While he found them disgusting, it's a bit baffling that he wasn't charged with child pornography offences, as later in the year a man was convicted of owning child pornography when the child pornography in question was a cartoon of characters from The Simpsons having sex. Though perhaps the reason Prime Minister Rudd wasn't charged is obvious: the Simpsons conviction involved no real children, while the child Rudd was ogling was real.

Yep, he really looks like that.

Not only that but a man in Queensland was charged with "using the internet to access and publish child-abuse material". Interestingly none of the television stations or newspapers (including online newspapers) were charged, and nor was the man in the video.

To make matters even worse for the greatest country on earth; we had to endure world youth day. If APEC wasn’t enough, there was even more security for the Pope, ‘lest somebody assassinate a glorified priest! Not only that but we were swamped by young religious pilgrims. Young people are bad enough, but religious ones? They’re even worse than emos.

Australia's final problem (apart from the film Australia) was the police. As well as the free flights and the push to out Nixon (history always repeats itself people!) they wanted funding and more recruits. This lead to an unbelievable surge in crime in Melbourne: police shootings, drunken violence in the City, teenagers with knives, and the television show Underbelly.

But luckily the Indonesian government finally executed the Bali Bombers, so after stopping the victims families finally gaining any closure for several years by not carrying out the sentence, they finally relented and shot them. Of course this meant that they were now matyrs, but hey, let’s not let a little common sense and compassion get in the way of security, right?

After the surge in violence in the City, they still weren't getting the money they wanted. So with the Christmas break approaching, they moved on to the road toll. As the media bombarded the public with anti-drink driving and road safety ads (pro road safety, not anti. You call yourself literate? :roll: )over the Christmas break, there was not one single car crash in the news. Well, there was one just after Christmas, but in a state where many people are killed on the road it appeared that the Police's campaign was working… At getting them publicity and censoring what the road toll was, in fact the road toll received little publicity. 11 people were killed on Victoria's roads over the Christmas break. Only 6 less than last year. And apparently not that many people are killed after all.

In an ironic ruling, long time critic of the video game industry, Jack Thompson, was banned from court. After the case he said that he wished he was "as effective at getting games banned as I was myself".

He looks like a lawyer; he tastes like a lawyer; but brother, he ain't a lawyer!

In the liberated Iraq, the former President of America, George Bush, was brutally assaulted by a journalist with a shoe. Thankfully Bush escaped without injury, but the journalist suffered a broken wrist and ribs. He now faces a maximum sentence of seven years gaol, which let's be honest, is a rather light sentence when you consider the brutal severity of the attack.

But the biggest news of the year was easily the death of Heath Ledger. Just like Steve Irwin and all dead Australians, the public's opinion of him changed drastically when he died. He went from a nobody who was in a few pretentious Australian films, and some big budget American kids films, to Australia's greatest actor of all time, who was cruelly taken away from the world before he could truly fulfil his huge and limitless potential. As if to make it up to him, for a few months after his death he was given more publicity and coverage than he should have been given in all the years he was acting. This is where I'd mention the Dark Knight, but it's time for a little self-censoring so I don't get killed. Insulting Heath Ledger, and commenting negatively on the measures against child abuse are one thing, but insulting a film as popular and loved as the Dark Knight is another entirely.

The effects of Methamphetamine are never pretty.

If the ironic title of Guns 'n Roses new album, Chinese Democracy, wasn't enough, the fact that it was debatable whether it even existed was too much. Unfortunately it was eventually released, and while it was a good album by most accounts, it could have beenone of the greatest musical jokes of all time, but instead it was just an album with an ironic title. There's always next year, right? But I don't see an album called Bread in Zimbabwe that costs thousands of dollars, and was meant to have been released years ago…

Speaking of China they managed to hold an Olympics that many considered to be one of the best. Grant Hackett had a chance to make a world record, but unfortunately he had a cold. Of course if he hadn't wasted so much of his energy as a child exercising and playing, he might have had a little left when it actually mattered. However there were two main reasons to watch the Olympics: Phelps and Bolt. Both broke world record after world record, and won gold after gold. Unfortunately due to smog one can only speculate as to what it would have been like to see them do it, but it was probably quite impressive.

There was also a terror attack in Mumbai. It didn't take long for the police to find and beat one of the perpetrators. It was later announced that he was from Pakistan (where all the terrorists are, except for Bin Laden who is in Afghanistan) and of course the Western media speculated that the attack was most definitely aimed at Westerners, and that it had absolutely nothing to do with discrimination against Muslims in India, or poverty, but everything to do with Muslim extremists hatred of the wonderful West.

The Wicked Witch of the West.

Not only that but Hamas announced at the end of the year that they were ending the piece treaty between Israel and Palestine. Naturally they both went back to bombing each other, with the Palestinians killing a few Israelis, and the Israelis killing a few hundred Palestinians, but unfortunately it was Hamas's fault for using human shields. After the bombings both countries blamed each other for breaking a cease fire. A cease fire that was unrelated to the peace treaty?

But the most tragic news was that Big Brother was cancelled. With Cory Delaney long gone and forgotten about, and Kath and Kim now an American remake, bogans only have Warnie's new commentary career to enjoy, and with Australia finally losing some test matches, they won't be watching anyway! Still, there's always A Current Affair and Today Tonight.

Finally, Barack Obama was elected as America's new president. After a long and gruelling campaign he managed to win the election with only one policy: change. How he would bring about the change, and what it would be was a mystery, but it was clear that he'd be completely different to George Bush. And when he was elected he immediately brought change. While he didn't reveal his policies, he did announce that when he removed troops from Iraq,he would move them to Afghanistan to look for Bin Laden. The other large change he brought to the white house was his black skin. His election proved that not only could a black man be elected, but that people would accept occupying one country over another as change. While he did prove a black man could be elected, contrary to media reports this did not mean that many of them could actually vote for him, and it certainly didn't prove that anybody could become a Presidenf of the United States, as it's still quite unlikely that any Native Americans will be running for President any time soon.

White Presidents can't jump.

All in all it was a crazy year, and the next part of the blog will be devoted to the crazy people who helped me create a crazy blog about a crazy year.

Thanks to all those who were part of blogging history:

freek666 thought it went by to fast for him to notice or care anything, despite the fact that it was a leap year and lasted 366 days instead of 365 which (if you're counting) is actually slower than most years.

aaronmullan got a lot done, yet I'm sure he agrees it's quality that counts, not quality. But I'm sure helping me with this blog will make up for all the time you wasted!

I watched a youtube video for inspiration while trying to find a video of Grant Hackett telling children not to be lazy (bloody hypocrite!) and stumbled across this. Thank you, Hellmonkey012!

RK-Mara described 2008 as the past, and retrospective blogs to be the in past, but at this moment this retrospective blog is currently in the future (for you) so you have created a dangerous paradox. You will have to wait and read it so that it may be in the past, but if you don't you will likely be trapped in 2008 forever.

After so much abuse and nagging (you'd think he was a woman, huh?) mjcowley finally started Zack and Wiki. He liked it. A lot. I knew he would, I told him he would, yet he still wouldn't play it! >_< Think of all the fun you could have had this year.

COD4ME joined GameSpot and more people left than after the Jeff Gerstmann incident, but unlike the Gerstmann incident they won't be coming back because you're still here. Oh, and welcome to GameSpot!

Johnsteed7, the cake is moist, but I suggest we have some champagne instead. Just let me change into my latex body suit and put on my wig so that we can be a bit more comfortable. I hope you'll be wearing a suit and a top hat, and don't forget your walking stick. We can use it. Err, on the baddies of course!

Darth, podcasts stuck out for me too, though I'm sure they stick out for you because you foolishly invited me onto one of yours!

Ubuntu 8.10 was released. I'm not even going to try and make that interesting, sorry Aberinkulas.

Metal Shadow, a story written by iloveflash that is so bad that his own mother hates it. At least it isn't a review of Twilight Princess, though. Amirite?

Aliblabla2007's graphics card blew. But on the bright side honkyjoe's girlfriend blew him. You're damn right it'll be a better year next year, now that you know, honkyjoe!

Honkeyjoe thinks 2009 will definitely be better than 2008, though he played his girlfriend like CoD4 and GeOW 2, and he got good grades and a new room. So next year he'll be moving out, having a threesome, and playing his girlfriend like Rosemary played Raiden.

Travo_basic said something about corruptions, but I forgot to say: "whose corruption are you talking about?" So you'll have to put up with no corruption.

Iliaste enjoyed beating Inter Milan, because sadly both teams he support aren't going to win anything this season.

OrkHammer007 noted it was a year of superheroes. That probably explains why the films were so bad this year...

No the cake is not a lie. Didn't you see the final cut scene? [spoiler] There was cake, and I killed GLaDOS for nothing. Not only did she survive, but in killing her I brutally burnt myself and I assume I died an excruciatingly painful death. At least she wrote that song for me, and yes, before I died I had enough time to cry. I knew I shouldn't have released the DEADLY NURO-TOXIN, and I wish I hadn't broken your HEART, because I too LOVED YOU, and I know you wish you had let me take your DEADLY NURO-TOXIN and MARRIED IT instead of INCINERATING IT. [/spoiler] Oh, and I hope you had a happy Jesus birthday, and a happy end of ****y year day, KingOfOldSkool—wait—you were trying to get me to censor bypass weren't you? Ha, well I didn't fall for it!

And for you guys at VG Press, I’ll let you in on a little secret. You get the full uncut version, while the poor bastards at GameSpot get the pruned version. So no complaining, Iga.

To everyone else who made helpful suggestions and actually helped me write the blog (or didn't make helpful suggestions, but had what they did say melded into the post) I give you an ironic thanks. Ironic because I'm not sincere, and ironic because those that made less helpful suggestions got personally mentioned. Thanks a lot for the help, but I hope you've learned your lesson and will never help anyone ever again.

Well I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it and insulting you. Even if you don't enjoy reading it, I'm sure you'll enjoy insulting me!

gamingeek said:

LOL at the aborigines bit.

The UK economy is suffering as a result of the US Economic crash. You see the debt that was created by these sub-prime mortgages were split, packaged off and sold around the world, with a large number of UK banks investing in them. Now its called a credit crunch because the banks are refusing to lend to each other. There is no cash flow in the economy and constant news woes are making people spend less on goods, so retail and manurfacturing and the housing market are flat. It has nothing to do with welfare payments and social workers however.

Ya don't say.

Foolz said:

While Australia was still clearly the greatest country to live in for all people

It was remarkable how strong Australia's economy was

(where all the terrorists are, except for Bin Laden who is in Afghanistan)

 [ Citations needed ]

Yarcofin said:

Foolz said:

While Australia was still clearly the greatest country to live in for all people

It was remarkable how strong Australia's economy was

(where all the terrorists are, except for Bin Laden who is in Afghanistan)

[ Citations needed ]

You're reading it round the wrong way.