Another decade has gone by. As far as video games it was more disappointing than the Kim Kardashian sex tape (seriously, that whore barely moves the entire time). There's only been 5 decades of video games, but the 2010's have been bottom of the barrel in my book. Sure software has gotten progressively better as the systems that run it on got more powerful, but that's to be expected right? That's really the natural course of things thanks to technology so there's no patting anyone on the back for not fucking up basic progression. Sex toys have gotten more advanced too, but that doesn't make the orgasms better you know? Fuck it, maybe you puritains don't. Anyway I'm back to offer my perspective for the entire decade.
Now before we get there I'd like to address something. It has been said that I am a negative person. An overly negative one at that. Well, I'm going to prove them wrong. I Dark Robio, am going to show all of you just how positive and wonderful I can be. Before we get to everything that sucked about the past years, here's a quick breakdown of all the wonderful things that have happened in the industry over the past 10 years!
• We saw two games, Minecraft and Fortnight, both hit a mainstream level of success that's just about never seen. Sure, one of them is basically just Legos turned into a video game, and the other is Tinder for pedophiles but you can't argue success!
• Rockstar gave us two incredible games. It took them 10 years to crank out only 2....kind of a giant step backwards from the 2000's...and one of them they fucking milked to death with an online mode to microtransaction your wallet to death....but hey two fun games right!!
• Despite all the predictions from part-time Nostradamus wannabe's, mobile gaming did not in fact take over and ruin gaming.
• Microconsoles were so popular that even Sega figured out how to not fuck it up. We'll just pretend that Sony doesn't exist right now.
• We finally got some video game movies and TV that were good and weren't complete camp thanks to Dectective Pikachu and the Witcher. And mainly because of that orgy scene in the Witcher. Oh yeah and if you can watch Detective Pikachu on shrooms don't pass that shit up. The colors are more amazing than a blowjob from a toothless 25 year old.
• And Nintendo came out with the Switch to successfully combine handheld and console gaming into one device. Now everyone can replay the Wii U games they didn't buy the first time since they seem more focused on porting over old shit than making something new and interesting like Star Tropics 3.
So there we go. Five good things that happened. Look at all that positivity from me. Okay enough of that shit. Tomorrow we get to the good stuff.